The Stockings are hung

Yes, the stockings are hung, the kids are asleep, then awake, then back to sleep....  Trish and I could be up for quite awhile.  Last year the boys were up at 3 AM.....  I predict that sleep will be scarce this Christmas Eve.

The boys are allowed to open one present on Christmas Eve.  It's one of our traditions that, frankly, makes Christmas Eve less stressful for those of us who have to endure their whining and boredom all day.  Trish worked until 5; Connor played his video game and Sam and I went to Christmas Eve service at 3. 

The weather was frightful, I must say.  We had a cold rain all day and into the evening.  We needed the rain, but I'm dreaming of last Christmas when we had a delightful WHITE Christmas!  Those who know me know how I do love snow and how I loved last winter when we had a most unusually snowy winter. 

La Nina has cursed me this year, I'm afraid.  Last week we had an 85 degree day that smashed records.  I was NOT happy!  At least it's cold for Christmas, although the forecast calls for at least one 70-something day as the year draws to a close.

I think Santa is going to make a couple of little boys  (not so little) happy tomorrow.  Actually, Connor has the Santa thing figured out, while Sam does, too......kinda....   He desperately wants to believe.  So, I told him that he can definitely believe.  I said that I will always believe since Santa is the spirit of Christmas, of giving.  

So, believing.... in the meaning of Christmas and the spirit of Christmas is what it's all about.

Happy Birthday Jesus, and Merry Christmas Eve to all my friends and family!

This Jolly Old Elf has miles to go before she sleeps.....

And so begin the Teenage years!

We have a teenager under our roof as of this past Monday.  Things will never be the same.  Connor turned 13, and he is quick to remind us that he is now a teenager.  Puberty, however, began to creep in over the summer, so we were more or less prepared, I guess.

The now healing black eye on the new teenager is the result of he and his brother (who has a knot on his forehead) jumping on a neighborhood kid's trampoline with more than one kid on at a time.  Sam's foot smashed into Connor's head and Connor's whatever caught Sam in the forehead.  Both boys had been prohibited from jumping on said trampoline due to an earlier incident that resulted in injury.  Must have slipped their memories,.....

Our new teenager has been awfully grumpy as of late.  I'm not sure if this is due to the new state of being or just the usual ups and downs of kid who is often unstable.  Probably both.  Oh joy.

I have a feeling that this kid is going to be a bit harder to contain in the little bubble he's lived in all of his life due to being bipolar and Autistic.  He's never had much interest in venturing out into the world of peers or even, very often, the neighborhood.  Times they are a changing....

This year he joined his first after-school club and went to his first party since kindergarten.  These were milestones that we were thrilled about.  However, this is a child who we can't lose sight of in Wal-mart since he wanders off to follow whatever catches his attention at the moment.  The coming years will be fraught with new and, for his mom and me, uneasy concerns. 

But, for now, we are getting used to the newly evolved teen who is grumpy and sleeps most of the weekend.  In so many ways he's just a typical newly- minted teen.  Come to think of it, the teenage years are an emotional roller coaster ride that Connor is already familiar with.  He's been riding an emotional roller coaster most of his life.  This might just be old hat to him.

Yep, the birthday boy is growing up.  His voice is deeper and he's taller than his grandma.  It seems like only yesterday he was a little fella flying around the house in his Spider-Man costume.

This and That

It's been a busy week, so far.  Monday I took Bryan to the airport.  We really enjoyed his visit ( first in 2 years), and, considering he's a typical busy teenager and big into sports, I was thrilled I got time with him this summer.  He'll be a senior next year and it will be more difficult to squeeze in time with him!

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my niece and her little one.  They just moved about 10 minutes away and I got to see the new digs and meet Mr. Mac for the first time.  They had lived in Southlake, not THAT far away, unless you're short on time to even go down the street, as I have been this past year.  The one time I visited her there she was pregnant with the little man!  The drive time to her old house was at least an hour.

The visit was fun (loved the new home) and Mac began to warm up to me by the time I left.  As you can see by the above photo, he had NOT warmed up when this was snapped just before a sleepy baby with a strange person in the house was put down for a nap!  I was laughing, Sandy was laughing and Mac was screaming bloody murder!!!!  For the next HOUR, Sandy and I tried to send this photo to her dad  to surprise him.  It was a riot!  NOTHING was working for us!  Of course, in the end, we succeeded, over and over and over again.  I lost count of how many times I got the photo on my phone and my email.  Nick probably got it just as many time.  Technology  is great until it's not and gets finicky.

Today I decided to mark another clean-out and clean-up item off my to-do list.  I tackled the front living and dining rooms which have needed purging for over a decade!!!  They are the throw-up (keeping the metaphor alive) rooms for seasonal items that don't get up in the attic or other things that need a 'temporary' resting place. 

Well, it took the better part of the day, but I was delighted to finally have it purged and clean!!  The only  HUGE task I've got on tap for the summer is the garage.  I'm already itching to get at it!  Given that my free monthly pick up for bulky items is the last week of the month, I'm not scratching that itch.....yet.

Merry Christmas Day!

Merry Christmas to all my family and friends!  Santa came late and Christmas came early as Santa only beat the boys by a couple of hours!!  They were able to be, mostly, contained in one room or another (Trish and I got zero sleep!) until about 6 AM.  It's not yet noon and the day has already lasted foooooooorever!!

Sam and I played in the snow when the sun came up.  How fun to have a white Christmas Day!  Thought I'd share some photos of last night and today.

Snow Bunnies and Santa Paws..

            

All is calm.....briefly

Snow bunny Sam

Connor chillin..

Snow Angel Sam

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rocky Road

The summer is off to a rocky start. Connor graduated 5th grade a couple of weeks ago. It was a rocky graduation day for him-- sensory overload and overstimulating. He didn't make it through the entire ceremony or after party. He did, however, have a blast the following day, last day of school, at the annual 5th grade Luau.

Trish hasn't found a new job yet and Sam is out of control. VERY out of control. *Sigh* I'm already losing my mind and stressed to the max!

Here's Sam at his end-of-year party. Looking Angelic......

Trish and the boys on Connor's graduation evening. Connor's stress level was already rising...

Connor and his teacher at the Luau, where he's having fun!

My right foot started hurting the last couple of weeks of school. I limped around work every day thinking it would go away at some point. It didn't. In the past week or so the pain has gotten intense and the top of my foot is swollen. I had to stop my daily walks. I still have errands to run and things to do around the house and yard, so, staying off the foot hasn't been an option.

~~~~~~~

Finally I broke down and made an appointment with a foot and ankle clinic for tomorrow morning. I suspect it's a stress fracture. At this point, I just want to have it fixed so that I can move around without every step making me want to scream.

~~~~~~~~~~

*Sigh* I want Trish to find a job, SOON! I want Sam to shape up, or at least, become more manageable. Connor, bless his heart, is just fine, holed up in his room most of the day playing his video games or reading. I envy his ability to just tune out the rest of the world and the chaos around him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I need a break. And, I don't mean my foot.

~~~~~

A poem I wrote several years ago that expresses my current mood. It's about boundaries.

Our boundaries collapse
into each other
like a house of cards,
mother, daughter
under one roof.,
raising two children.
Mother
grandmother
daughter-
the roles bleed into each other.
Control yo-yos,
resentment builds
and spills over
into the landscape.
We scramble to reclaim
and repair the sense of order.

In Honor of National Poetry Month

A poem by one of my favorite poets, Sharon Olds:

The Talk

In the sunless wooden room at noon
the mother had a talk with her daughter.
The rudeness could not go on, the meanness
to her little brother, her selfishness.
The eight-year-old sat on the bed
in the corner of the room, her irises distilled as
the last drops of something, her firm
face melting, reddening,
silver flashes in her eyes like distant
bodies of water glimpsed through woods.
She took it and took it and broke, crying out
I hate being a person! diving
into the mother
as if
into
a deep pond--and she cannot swim,
the child cannot swim.

~~Sharon Olds (from Strike Sparks)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And, one of my own in the same vein.....


Stale words
in stagnant pools
sink into a lifeless sea of drivel.

I’ve said it all before.
You turn a deaf, defiant ear;

Ruffled feathers
beat me back--
a safe distance.

You dance around
the sting of my words.

You’ve yet to really hear.

~Pam Patterson

Behind His Eyes

One of my own, one of my favorites in honor of National Poetry Month.

(For Connor)

Behind his eyes,
blue as the sky on a summer day
turmoil churns like
a wall cloud before the
tornado drops.
To decipher the emotional landscape
is to probe the depths of uncharted territory.

I’m no cartographer.

I tread gently, blindly.
I fumble as I try to read the Braille of his psyche;
but, I can’t see past the shadows.
His highs and lows rise and dip
like an unstable weather pattern
where sunshine belies the coming storm.
A bright smile and clear eyes can spin off
into ominous gales.

I reach for the shards of light. Perhaps
a clue, perhaps…

Too quickly the shadows appear, again.
Just when I think I can forecast the triggers,
pinpoint the offending cloud, the light shifts
and I’m caught blinking helplessly in the clarity
of my ignorance.

~~~ Pam Patterson © 2006